Posted in Animals, Cats, Dogs, Golden Retrievers, Mysticism, Poetry, Spirituality, Writing

Golden Kobi lay curled into a ball right on top of my feet…emotting loving kindness, joy, contentment…my mind was set on household business, household idiocy. He let out a big sigh relaxing even more deeply, forever sweet.  I was stuck in monkey mind unable to feel his love.

The day was filled with people coming in and out…the doorbell would ring and off Golden Boy would go alerting Little Guy Oscar that it was time to guard. The two would run to the front door barking away, noisily protecting.  It was driving me nuts. But it was their way of caring for me. Through their care they practiced devotion.  I continued with my impatience, they continued their protective barking. Every five minutes they were up making sure I would be forever safe.  I thought the top of my head was going to blow like some looney toon's cartoon character.

Kobi was back snuggling atop my feet.  He looked up at me with loving eyes.  Hi sense of fullfillment so intense he had to move and rose to get a toy out of his basket of goodies, sniffing each de-stuffed carcass until he found just the right one.  It was his squeeky shoe.  Perfect…a day of quiet?  I don't think so. The Golden Boy circled perhaps a dozen times finally dropping to his favorite curl position and began squeeking his shoe…

Between a few or not so few squeeks he would look upon me with pure devotion which only renewed his commitment to further squeeking…I could see him sinking into deep meditation through his sounding of the squeeky shoe.

"Squeek, squeek, squeek"…like the melodic rhythm of temple bells announcing the break of day…only more shrill…Kobisan's devotional squeeky shoe gained intensity filling him with divine madness, divine worship…gazing up into my eyes he would find ever deepening wells of love…I shone as Ma, Kobi as my devotee…

A flash from the not to distant past…I'm at my altar, attempting to practice…itching to rise from my all too scrunched cross legged seat. The altar is messy, filled with incense ash and yesterday's puja flowers.  I ring a bell circling above the contents ….over and over again I obsessively ring the bell hoping, praying Ma will respond, that I will have a pure sign of her caring for me.  I light a fresh incense, I ring the bell, I begin a new mantra…nothing seems to calm my obsessive ways…I remain titilated, frustrated…still, somehow the light begins to penetrate…and although I am oblivious to even my own surrender, I somehow sink into Mother's waiting arms and begin to breath, relaxing into the moment…

Kobi drops the shoe from his mouth, silence insues.  He lays his head down with a deep sigh…looking up at me I can see his genuine sense of satisfaction, of fullness…I didn't give him anything.  I didn't pet him, hug him, or even throw his slobbery toy carcass…but he was full regardless…he dove beneath my irritation and recognized my deep, abiding love for him…I am his Ma and he loves me in all ways…through his devotional practice of squeeky shoe, he found his way to an even greater sense of joy and fullfilment.

Can I offer the same to the Divine Mother?  Can I worship her and love her regardless of whether I experience her response to me? 

Oscar shoots out of the room clicking his little claws on the hard wood floor as he runs into the bedroom.  He stops.  Silence.  Kobi lifts his head in alert status listening for the Little Guy.  He's up, running down the hall towards the bedroom…now two sets of clicking claws are heard, and rough house growling.  The doorbell rings, more barking…another round of protecting "Ma".

After soaking up a bit of energy with their joyful rough housing, Kobi and Oscar are filled…Mother's children are always moving, changing, delighting in the dance of life…and when they stay present, in the moment, they know, without any doubt, they are being held in Mother's arms.

Time to squeek my rubber shoe over the altar of Ma who is forever loving me no matter what kind of bell I ring.

Kobi returns to my side dropping his squeeky shoe at my feet. His eyes meet mine and cocking his head in that special way of his, I can see his devotion-filled heart…Oscar sweeps into the room grabbing the squeeky shoe and heads down the hall…Kobi's up in a breath rushing after the little guy…playful growling sounds alight as the squeeky shoe spreads it's magic through the house once again.