Monday, 4:00 a.m….the alarm sounds it's call. Golden Boy Kobi and Little Guy Oscar are up and off the bed in less than half a second…I've always wondered how dogs do that…go from a dead sleep to the deepest alert status without a breath…how do they do that? Ron and I slowly throw off our covers and…Kobi's back on the bed kissing Ron's face, encouraging him to rise and shine…"I can't get up when you're on top of me Kobi!!!" He wrestles with the Kobmyster, turning him on his back…time for a bit of tummy love…yum.
Oscar sounds the call..."Stop Playing!!! It's time to smell and poop and run and smell and poop…" His bark shrill and loud…very loud…so for the sake of our neighbor's sleep, we follow our four-legged drill sargeant's commands and finish dressing for the walk…
"OK that's enough!" Kobi does one final toss of his hips to help him roll onto his belly…and he's off the bed…I'm still creeping into early morning workout clothes. Oscar's checking in, smelling us all to make sure we're prepared for this most exciting new morning adventure.
You would never guess our Golden Boy has hip dysplacia…especially if he's in his joy of running and playing ball…but after the walk he usually takes a little time out for a nap. So I've learned that after the walk and breakfast, we come up to the bed and rest for awhile. He follows the needs of his creation…and also doesn't dramatize…he simply honors his body where it is and stays present.
And off we go on our 4:00 a.m. walking adventure…
I had a bit of a melt down this past week. I found my exhaustion level had risen to red alert status and my tremors were moving through me fast…I rushed into the future, seeing myself on a scooter driving down the ailes of some annonymous grocery store…this fate could be nothing further from the truth but it's where I put myself by indentifying with my fear.
It's a stunning morning…cloudless with a more than usual amount of stars as the moon has slipped from view…having just completed his first morning constitution, Kobi waited for me to pick up the poop which I happily did…afterall I am the poop carrier…:) The Golden Boy looks up at me with adoring eyes "See you just did it…you were living in the moment…"
I had indeed forgotten my fears, my pain…my poop carrying responsibility far outweighed my fears and phobias…?)
I walk behind the boys…they dart from right to left with an occasional block or two of sprinting…a bit too dizzying for me so I stay behind, content, practicing to walk with my hips leading me blissfully forward with ease. Truth be told this is a discipline to remember…at times I find myself crouching forward like an old crone but not this morning…I'm living the Vida Loca, in the moment, free of pain, hips thrusting forward, swinging my arms with ease…all tension has left my back and I'm moving sinuously, sensual, easy…
And while executing this "in-the-moment" practice, I discovered something…my right hand is the one that twitches the most…what if I just let it twitch away and while letting the hand do what it wants to do, I began seeing the neuro pathways join together with the nerves down the spine, to the second chakra…survival, control…"Let the Hand do what it wants Kristina…breath"…the right arm was just rattling and rolling away. Then within an instant, the right hand stopped twitching and began moving and rotating in odd, rubbery-like ways…contorting this way and that…fingers splaying wide and long then all at once contracting into a tight little ball. The hand would completely relax and rest just swinging back and forth.. more tremors would surface…surrender, allow, allow, allow…and the whole process would repeat itself…
That allow part…the part where you let the body inform you of how it wants to move…relaxing into the breath, into the present, moving from the womb…there was a relaxation that would rise everytime I gave in to the messages rather than trying to control them…and each time I felt the reconnecting of the pathways…every single time.
The boys sprinted forward expressing their own joy of movement. And I, content to walk more slowly behind, whispering Ganesh's mantra to myself, found more and more ease through the walk…more and more freedom…
And now I lay on the bed, Golden Kobi at my side, waiting for the first breath of daylight…time to embrace the Gayatri (invocation to the light)…contentment fills the spaces in between…sweet reverie, blessings, peace…Jai Ma